American Idol, Season 14, Episodes 5&6: Land of 10,000 Snoozes and JLo eats a beignet! (Hollie)

I’m not going to lie, it was a rough week at the office. And coming home to then be treated to an hour of boring Minneapolis American Idol Auditions did not do much to lift my mood. Thirty minutes in,  I gave Will the “I can’t do this,” and we agreed to watch the rest the next day and to certainly combine our Wed/ Thurs recaps. waa waaaaaah.

I mean the Producers didn’t even try to feign enthusiasm in Minneapolis. Apparently it’s been seven years or so since Idol last went through the city, and there was nary a flashback clip of any memorable young contender, and if it’s one thing this show knows how to do it’s flashback clips.  I can see the PA going through 1,023 hours of footage from Minnesota, 2007, and being like “Sorry boss, there’s nothing.”

I was apparently in a very bad mood this week, and as I look through my notes, all I see is a lot of “Annoying” “Bland” “Cancel each other out” “looks like another Teen Mom” comments on my Idol notepad. Yes, I have an Idol notepad. And my husband has his own Idol notepad. We also do yoga, meditate, then scream about how stressed we are. that is how things happen here.

So, the kids.  Zach Johnson, seemed likeable, but his country twang while singing prompted a, “You don’t talk with an accent… why do you sing with one” comment from the judges. We look at each other with confusion and wonder how it is that Australian Keith Urban can sing with a country twang — and look at him, with all his banal country pop platinum albums!  Taylor Swift… doesn’t Taylor Swift twang it up but speaks normally, (maybe a ‘ya’ll’ here and there?).  And can we please all talk about how aside from Oasis and the band that sings that song Pompeii every British singer sings with a different accent than what they have?  I can’t, I just can’t.

The only promise is a ski capped likeable cute Dad named Mark Andrew. I can’t remember if he’s a single Dad or not. That’s really all I’ve got.

Cut to HCJ in all his adorableness loving his New Orleans. We see the footage of little Harry hustling in the clubs at age 9, learning his craft.  He’s pretty much holding his breathe hoping to be made proud by some good singers in New Orleans. Problem is, kids are soft these days, Harry. No one is hustling anything, and they all have Stage names. And I can guarantee you that any kid who is jamming with an 88 year old blues guitarist in the 9th Ward is not auditioning for American Idol.

Oh, well one is, Quentin Alexander is the only bright light in this week filled with awful deadlines, day-long meetings, eating takeout at 10 pm everynight, taking ½ a Xanax just to muster pleasantries, and boring American Idol.  He’s so friggin cool, really talented, from the hood and just someone you want to WIN dammit!!

I was disappointed to see some blehs get through, like Nalani, an over affected singer songwriter type equipped with yup, a  Gopro.

Ricky Dale Hendricks is a… gasp… likeable country singer. Kinda has a Country Phil Phillips thing going on.  BUT he’s only like 15, and this Cougar had it for Phil Phillips… so that is the last time I’ll compare him to Phil Phillips.  There is a fine line between Phil Phillips and Sam Woolf from Season 13, who f’d me over since I picked him to win it all. I failed to recognize that that fine line is called HOTTNESS, and though Phil Phillips brought the sexy, Sam Woolf brought the ‘I love my Grandpa stories.’  Ricky Dale’s voting future relies on how fast he can muster a sultry stare.

phil-phillips
Sexy = wins American Idol

sam woolf grandpaHangs Out with Grandpa = Tricks you into Thinking he can win American Idol

I’m also rooting for Erica Washington, single mom who slayed Halo. She has the “I’ve been through some shit” swag that I like.

Swag I don’t particularly care for belongs to Carlos Santana’s nephew.  I mean… you play on stage with Santana, shouldn’t he have been able to connect you with a label by now?  GIVES ME PAUSE.

And let’s just hope that Dakota the Drag Queen keeps hanging on long enough for group week dramatics and for me to get my fill of Will asking me confused questions about drag queens.

OHHHH and JLo caved at the ‘regional food end shot’ in this episode. I was watching this time, and she did the same food stare down, like the whole world stopped when that platter came in the room. This time she ate the entire beignet, but I’m sure she went on a 10 day cleanse afterwards.

I’m about to embark on a business trip for the week, so no chance of watching Idol in real time. I kinda am just excited to get to HOLLYWOOD ALREADY where is my GOLDEN TICKET.

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