For Hollie’s version of tonight’s episode, click here
Well it’s the first working Thursday night of 2015 and with it comes the back end of a two night AI premier doubleheader. I’ve heard rumors that this year Idol will only be one night per week, as ratings have continued to decline, but I am skeptical. Am I to believe that Bones can pull in the kind of audience that an even sub par Idol elimination night draws? I, for one, want to end my week seeing some precocious kids sweat it out on the stools and then frantically search for my face to shoot across the screen amidst a slew of 50 something ladies when they flash the background montage of Facebook voter profile pics.
With the idea of a potentially trimmed down Idol viewing season haunting my thoughts, I pick up my remote and check out the Guide only to find that AI is blessing us with a 2 hour show. YESSSSS! Fast forward to 40 minutes later when H exclaims “oh F….we’ve only watched an hour”. It’s a marathon not a sprint, babe – pace yourself.
On to the show…
The intro comes on strong with not so subtle digs at the Voice. “It’s all about the kids”…”It’s not about the judges”…”It’s the only show that has produced bona fide stars”…Listen – I love that Kelly Clarkson as much as the next guy but this is all sounding pretty defensive. You’re American Goddamn Idol. Start acting like it!!!!
AI shows us a bit of behind the scenes – which frankly I love. H and I always talk about how we wish AI had their version of Big Brother after dark so we could see how things really work behind all of the staged red carpet shenanigans and kids jumping on beds in the AI mansion. (PS. – we know of Big Brother After Dark as my parents might be the only two people who have watched the Big Brother cast on off hours besides Julie Chen).
We then see this year’s version of Dexter (I cant remember his last name). The kid is 22, has a cherubic face, likeable family and is a good ole boy from Alabama. He’s also a bit annoying and I am not terribly impressed. Nonetheless, I think there is a quota for this guy every season. Great – now we have one for AI14, so can we move on…?
Then we see someone a bit androgynous who reminds me of MK Noibillete. I earnestly ask H what gender this contestant is and then immediately feel guilty as it is just a 16 year old boy. He’s geek-chic and his nerdiness reminds me of Malaya Watson. Kid is talented but not sure how long he will last.
And as soon as we see pretty Kelly on the screen for a nano second, I yell “SINGLE MOM”. AI – I know your formula and I love it. Sure as shit, she’s got an adorable little girl who sings that awful theme from Frozen to the judges and I am fully onboard the Kelly Klime bandwagon.
Montage time along with various soundbites of “I recently quit my job”, “Music is all I have”, “I won’t do anything but sing” and “I don’t have any other plans”. Then it dawns on me that American idol might be responsible for several downturns in the economy. H and I both groan and shake our heads disapprovingly. I love to play basketball but I am not going to quit my job to try out for the Knicks. Sigh.
AI is an emotional rollercoaster and after my dismay at these kids’ wonton lack of sense and responsibility, I am then again fraught with emotion watching Garrett Miles and his devoted Dad. Garrett is blind and super talented and will cause some serious choreography issues when the top 10 dress in all white and do an awkward Bruno Mars medley group number (I just cringe thinking about how painful it was to see the finalists try to all dance around season 8’s Scotty Macintyre). Despite this I am rooting for Garrett.
Moving on…there is a busker from Nashville and J-Lo gives us a classic “you have the whole package so I am sending you through”. Translation: “you’re a mediocre singer but you are good looking. Teeny bopper girls and Midwest grandmas will Facebook vote the crap out of you so I’ll throw you a golden ticket. “ I don’t remember this dude’s name and I doubt I’ll have to.
Some others to note as we round out hour 2:
- Savion Wright is back and I do remember him as do the judges. He is talented and confident and should be in the top 24 for sure.
- Lovey James just made me uncomfortable all around. She’s 16, has a stage name and a music video and tells us that “some guy she is working with” gave her the moniker Lovey. There seems to be a lot wrong there. I am betting either TMZ or the local authorities will dig into this pretty quickly.
- Jess Lamb is our final contestant of the night and she is good and quirky. She’s long in the tooth for Idol and while I do fear we have another Erica Van Pelt on our hands, Jess is much more interesting and I think I recall her voice from a mysterious silhouette last night.
We wrap up the show and are teased with scenes from next week and more “best of the bus”. Both H and I catch a glimpse of some blonds guy that is “back again this year”. I shout “lives in his car!!!” while H “screams “single Dad!!!”. ….Ryan implores us to come back next week to see all of the action. “F. Yeah I’ll come back.”