After reading the comment from my friend Colleen about how a focus group screener asked her what super power she’d like to have, I felt compelled to write about my own super power of choice, which I’ve been wishing for for about a solid 15 years now*
That’s right, my super power of choice is to be able to give someone diarrhea with just the point of the finger. It’s really the perfect power. Think about it:
- It fights the bad guys: If someone is attacking you, robbing a bank, in a fight… they’re going to have to stop whatever they’re doing because they just got a really bad case of diarrhea. You really can’t do anything else if you know you’re about to crap your shorts.
- It’s just the perfect level of evil to get back at someone who’s pissing you off: Your boss is making you stay at work late, that a-hole in the deli cut the line and is now being rude to the deli man, that girl won’t get off of her cell phone, your boyfriend just cheated on you– with THAT bitch… GIVE EM ALL DIARRHEA! It’s not going to kill them. But it’s really going to ruin their night.
- It’s just funny.
Sometimes while driving I will actually go to give the guy who cut me off diarrhea finger*, and I get frustrated when I remember I don’t really have the power. Many have witnessed me curse the gods for not giving me the power when the situation is just so perfect for it. Did I ever wish diarrhea on you? Hmmmm….. Maybe one day it just might work.
*Diarrhea finger was first conceptualized when I began driving and started learning about road rage. “OOOOOOH you A-hole, you just cut me the F off! grrrrrrrr…. I hope you get diarrhea…… NOW!” [point finger]
This post is sounding very familiar, I think I blogged about it before. you know you’re old when.